What is ADHD/ADD ?

ADHD – Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a medical/neurobiological condition in which the brain’s neurotransmitter chemicals, noradrenalin and dopamine do not work properly. It is a disorder that, without proper identification, treatment and management, can have serious and long lasting consequences and/or complications for an individual. It is a long-term condition which affects learning and behaviour right through the school years and in many cases beyond into adulthood. 

ADHD is a disorder that can co-exist to a greater or lesser degree, with any or other disorders such as dyslexia, autism, learning disorder, dyspraxia, conduct disorder, oppositional defiance disorder. 


ADHD would seem to be more prevalent among boys than girls. Girls would more often be diagnosed as having ADD.

Is it definitely ADHD?

It’s easy to confuse ADHD with normal child development and other conditions. As there isn’t a simple test for the condition, the consultant will have taken considerable care diagnosing your child with ADHD.
With ADHD, children may also have other problems such as dyslexia, dyspraxia, Asperger’s syndrome and compulsive or defiant behaviour.

What problems can ADHD cause?

ADHD can cause a range of problems that can vary from child to child. The following are common among all children with ADHD:

• They often seem to forget things almost instantly. They fail to finish what they start or don’t do it at all.
• They often seem to be driven like a motor; as a result they can be demanding in class and even behave dangerously when outside.
• They may seem thoughtless, selfish and rude, so they are often unpopular with other children their age.

“I do things I don’t mean to do… and it makes me stick out.” Jacob, 9.

How do children with ADHD develop?

Children with ADHD can be intelligent and creative. Many overcome their disability and lead successful lives. The problems may ease with time, but ADHD can last into adulthood. Coming to terms with and understanding ADHD can often make it easier to deal with.

“We all want to help him reach his potential.” Phillipa, mother of Simon.

Living with children who have ADHD – frequently asked questions

How does the family feel?

When a child has ADHD it affects the whole family. It’s confusing for the child, stressful for parents and difficult for brothers and sisters. We’ll tell you how people typically feel and provide some tips for feeling better!

How does a child with ADHD feel?

“I get picked on every day. I just get treated weird, like an alien.” Jack, 8

The brain of a child with ADHD is like a TV set that isn’t receiving a perfect signal. For the child it’s as if the channel keeps changing, too. Imagine you are watching the news on BBC1. Suddenly, somebody picks up the remote control and flicks over to ITV. A second later the programme changes to Channel 4 and then back to BBC1. Then it switches to BBC2. If you were asked about the news on BBC1, you might find it hard to remember.

For a child with ADHD the world is a constant stream of changing images and messages. It’s difficult to focus on anything because something new is always coming along. It’s all rather bewildering and it’s hard to keep pace.

It’s an alien universe

From the child’s point of view nobody seems to understand

• Adults are always annoyed because you’ve forgotten something or done something silly. They spend ages telling you off and making you feel stupid.
• It’s hard making and keeping friends. At school other kids wind you up because you’re different.
• You seem to get the blame for everything. It’s pretty miserable and unfair.
• If you had something wrong that people could see, they’d understand. But as they can’t see that your brain isn’t receiving a perfect signal, you don’t get any sympathy at all!

How do parents feel?

It’s often an ordeal being the parent of a child with ADHD. It can be exhausting, frustrating, embarrassing and depressing. Remember that your are not alone and what you are feeling is normal. The following have been mentioned by people who are, like you, parents of children with ADHD:

• People blame you for poor parenting.
• Sometimes you blame yourself.
• You feel angry and disappointed.
• You never know what’s going to happen next.
• You dread going to school in case there’s been some disaster.
• You worry yourself silly when your child is out of your sight.
• And, of course, your look at other people and wonder why their children are always so perfect!

“He’s never invited to parties: it breaks my heart.” Christine, mother of Joe

How can we feel better?

It’s not your fault that your child has ADHD. But it’s crucial to recognise and accept that children with ADHD are different. So, you have to treat them in a slightly different way.

• Try to keep the home as calm and happy as possible – as you know children with ADHD can be distracted by almost everything.
• If there are other relationship problems at home, try to keep them away from your child whenever possible.
• Often, of course, your child is the source of the problem. If you have been trying ‘iron discipline’, its time to change direction.
• Focus on major misbehaviour and let the petty things pass.
• With constant reprimanding, there’s a big danger that children may grow to feel unloved and unaccepted. You will all find it easier if you draw up a new set of rules so that you all know where you stand.
• Your child will come to recognise the rules and live by them.

How do brothers and sisters feel?

For the brothers and sisters of children with ADHD, life is rarely easy:

• Constant interruptions, nagging and teasing create friction.
• Their brother or sister seems to hijack everything, from doing homework to watching TV or playing with friends.
• They may feel that the child with ADHD gets much more time and attention from parents.
• There’s often resentment because the child with ADHD seems to get away with all sorts of things for which they would be punished.
• Having a brother or sister with ADHD can lead to embarrassment at school. It can be difficult if teachers or other pupils keep on telling you about his or her wayward behaviour.
• For older children it’s serious if they are taunted and irritated while trying to study for exams.

How can we support brothers and sisters?

 
Brothers and sisters need to know that the child with ADHD can be bright and creative but have difficulty controlling their behaviour. Because of this, the whole family needs to make allowances. Some of these new rules will protect brothers and sisters, and also help the child with ADHD to help themselves by setting boundaries.

• Set restrictions on whether your child can enter his or her brothers’ and sisters’ rooms
• Likewise there can be rules about playing with other children’s toys. Be specific and name items that are out of bounds.
• To compensate for the extra time you spend on your child with ADHD, you and other relatives should try to spend some quality time with the other children individually.
• Set house rules an post a copy of them where everyone can see them, for example, on the fridge.

How should we approach ADHD and typical problems?

You need to set sensible rules. Be firm but fair.

What is the right attitude to have?

Inevitably, there will be times when your child behaves badly, does things wrong, forgets things and drives you to despair. It will be less stressful if you don’t get too worked up. Be proactive not reactive (in other words, try to think ahead and give advice, rather than wait until things go wrong). Remember, it’s the poor behaviour you dislike, not your child.

Be practical

You may find certain things always cause problems. Maybe your child creates havoc when you go shopping after school. If shopping is a problem, shop at a time when the child is at school.


Set some key rules

Children with ADHD need to know where they stand and how far they can go. They need structure and rules. Draw these up before there’s trouble. Both parents must work to the same rules.

Set some key rules over which there is little or no compromise. Be firm about these rules, but more flexible over smaller issues. Some things to consider are ‘no compromise’ areas are hitting, biting, slapping or any other violent behaviour. Areas where you can be more flexible could be calling out or knocking things over.

Choices and consequences

Explain to your child what will happen if they misbehave and break the rules.

Create a sense of belonging

It’s easy for a child to feel like an outcast if people are always telling them off. Remember, children with ADHD have fragile self esteem, so continue to let them know how much you love them. Make sure they feel part of the family. It can be helpful if someone in the family can act as a real friend and confidante. Often a grandparent, aunt or uncle can be an ideal choice.

How do we deal with constant interrupting?

Children with ADHD are easily bored and highly impulsive. Often when they want to say something they have to tell you immediately. In these situations be firm but fair; for example, say: “Robin, I’m speaking to Laura now, and it will be your turn next.”

Children with ADHD have difficulty waiting so if the interruption continues, ask the child to tell you in two or three words what they want to talk about. Its good to get them thinking in terms of key words or headlines. Then, when you’ve finished your conversation, you can remind them of what they wanted to tell you.

How do we deal with trouble during meals?

Make behaving well at mealtimes one of your key rules. Let your child know that rudeness and bad behaviour is not acceptable.

How do we deal with rude comments?

Children with ADHD may make rude, offensive or silly comments. Children tend to copy adults so mind your own language in their presence. Be clears that rude remarks are not acceptable at any time.

How do we deal with social awkwardness?

Sometimes children with ADHD are very awkward socially. They may be rude and tactless. If they’ve upset somebody, take them to one side, explain why they sounded rude and ask how they would feel if they’d been treated like that. When they behave well socially, remember to praise them.

What is the best way to cope with long journeys?

Travelling can be a recipe for trouble. Before you set out, draw up some rules. Explain where you’re going and how you are getting there. Try to include some stops along the way. Use a reward system for good behaviour. Every 10 minutes without trouble wins a point that can be used towards a special treat. Provide entertainment such as music or pocket games.

How do we stop them breaking other people’s property?

If you have other children, make it a rule that their property is strictly out of bounds to the child with ADHD. If things still get broken, consider making a small deduction from your child’s pocket money. Praise your child when they show respect for other people’s property.

How do we deal with tantrums?

Remember, children with ADHD can have an explosive temperament. When things go wrong they may feel very frustrated and take it out on the people and things dearest to them. Favourite toys may get smashed and when the rage subsides they feel even more cross with themselves. Try not to criticise or remind them of what they’ve done. Once you have given a punishment, move on.

How do we get them to school on time?

In the morning it can be difficult to get your child with ADHD prepared. So you need to set up a specific system.

• For the forgetful type, be proactive and make sure that everything they need to take has been prepared the night before.
• For the foot-draggers, leave plenty of time and use a kitchen timer if necessary. After you’ve woken them, set the timer for 5 minutes. Then set it for 10 minutes before you want to leave. Don’t rush your journey. Tell them it’s their choice if they want to be late.

How do we get them to tidy their bedrooms?

• Develop a system of rewards.
• Make life easier by keeping cupboards as tidy as possible. The less junk there is in a bedroom, the easier it is to keep it tidy. Make it your policy to get rid of old toys and outgrown clothes.

How do we stop them endangering themselves?

It’s dangerous if they are reckless, impulsive and want to show off.

• When they are riding bikes, be firm and set rules about wearing helmets and road safety. If possible, try to keep an eye on them.
• Get them in the habit of putting bikes or scooters away at night.
• If they break the rules, ground them for a few days.

How do we get them to do their homework?

• Make homework part of the daily routine.
• Try to set up a system with the school to remind them to help your child remember to bring the right books home. It may help if you have a set of text books that always stays at home.
• Have a special homework place that is not their bedroom.
• Fix a regular time, ideally late afternoon after they’ve have a little time to unwind from school.
• Allow them to do their homework in chunks, giving them a short break between periods of work.
• Help them, supervise them and check their work